Dirty Talk
by Cherry Delight
Summary: Jou decides to make a rendezvous with Seto a little more interesting. Naughtiness and humour abound! Established SJ. Oneshot.


_I don't own nothin', people. _

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**Dirty Talk**

"You never talk dirty to me."

Seto's hand stilled its journey into Jou's pants, and he frowned. Surely this was neither the time nor the place for conversation. Of all the uses the desk in the study provided, this was one of the more enjoyable, and one could only enjoy that use for so long before one's muscles cramped up and whatever was being done had to be abandoned for less awkward exertions.

"Hm. I didn't know you liked that kind of thing," Seto said, pushing Jou's body down on the desk with his. "I've got no use for it myself."

"Really?" gasped Jou, arching up into Seto. His back was already beginning to hurt, but the pleasure far outweighed the pain at this point.

"Yes, really," came Seto's mumbled voice from somewhere in the middle of Jou's torso - when did he take off his shirt? – and Jou almost forgot what he was saying when he felt lips and teeth flickering across his nipple.

"You know," Jou said breathlessly, "I think you'd like it a lot." He roughly pulled Seto's head up to meet his, and they kissed deeply, messily, and when they pulled away, Seto looked almost convinced. Almost.

"Mm…No."

And then Seto was on Jou's neck, his infamous weak spot. And now that Jou was all a-quiver, Seto could finally get down to business. He yanked off what remained of Jou's clothing quickly, and then worked on his own clothes for a moment, before Jou started speaking again.

"I've got your number, you know," he said lazily, trailing a finger up Seto's bare chest and down again. Seto rolled his eyes and sighed impatiently.

"My number? Is it 'shut up'? You really should – we only have so long until this becomes very uncomfortable," Seto said, burying his head in Jou's neck again.

"I mean it," Jou managed to force out between ragged breaths. Seto's hands were doing very nice things in his special places, and he was finding it hard to think at all, far less talk.

"I know exactly how to turn you on. I could say the dirtiest, nastiest, most disgusting things you've ever heard, and you'd come in a second." Jou knew that he was about to come in a second if Seto didn't stop what he was doing, and luckily, Seto's hands slowed immensely.

Seto looked up at Jou, eyes almost narrowing. He knew the sound of a challenge when he heard one. He'd see if the puppy could follow through on his promise.

"Very well then. Try me. The nastiest things I've ever heard." He braced himself above Jou, arms on either side of the blond's head.

Jou thought for all of two seconds, and then grinned. He adopted his most sultry fuck-me voice, and put on his best come-hither look. He lifted his head a little, until his breath brushed against Seto's lips. He groaned and closed his eyes, arching up the tiniest bit in to the body above his. Seto liked the look of that a lot. Maybe Jou was right – he was off to a very good start. He was definitely feeling very turned on.

"Oh," he moaned. "Oh god. Oh…hostile corporate takeover…" At this, Seto rolled his eyes and then made to roll off of Jou, but Jou quickly caught him and held him where he was. Jou wrapped his legs around Seto's waist, and moved in an altogether electrifying way.

"Oh god yes," he purred. He moved up to Seto's ear, gently licking and kissing it, and blowing into it softly. He felt Seto shiver slightly. Jou then flipped them over – without incident (which was quite a feat when executed on a narrow wooden desk) - so that he was straddling Seto's waist and leaning down low over him. "Oh god, mechanical malfunction – oh! Oh! Oh!" They were positively rocking now, and Jou shouted out, "Oh yes! Computer virus!"

"You are a complete moron," Seto deadpanned - or tried to. He was trying not to breathe too hard, and his voice was muffled since he was biting down on Jou's shoulder. He felt satisfied when he heard Jou hiss, and then decided to have a little fun of his own.

"You know, I think I've got the hang of this dirty talk business," he said, teasing Jou's lips with his tongue.

"Do you?" Jou asked distractedly, more concerned with trying to catch Seto's mouth in a kiss.

"Definitely. Tell me what you think about this," Seto said, flipping them over – again without incident (they'd had a lot of practice) – so that he was on top again. He smirked, much the same way Jou had grinned before, and Jou immediately knew what was coming.

"Don't you dare-" he started, but was immediately cut off.

"You've been such a bad dog," Seto growled smugly, and Jou half-heartedly tried to crawl out from under him. Damn him and his dog jokes. He mentally shook a fist at Seto. But the part of him that wasn't shaking a mighty fist in Seto's direction wanted to see just where this was going.

"You should really be punished. Do you want your master to punish you?" Seto asked, again attaching himself to Jou's neck. He felt rather than heard Jou gurgle something, and took that to be an affirmative. He began moving his hands all over Jou's body, pinching, caressing, scraping, and he continued to talk, forcing his voice to remain low and steady. Jou's head was thrown back, and he writhed every time Seto raked his nails down his skin, and followed it with a caress.

"Maybe I should put a collar on you," he said. "Maybe I should leash you up and take you to the vet."

Jou raised his head a little and looked sceptically at the top of Seto's head, which was licking its merry way down his chest to more interesting features of his anatomy. He let his head fall back on the table, closing his eyes and basking in the feel of Seto's tongue, lips and teeth.

"You're such a dirty dog," Seto continued. He stopped just short of the golden treasure and started working his way back up Jou's body. "Maybe I should take you for a flea bath," Seto said, concentrated on the task at hand. "Maybe I should have you neutered."

The rest Jou could ignore, but at this, he raised himself up on his elbows, knocking his chin on the top of Seto's head.

"Neutered?" Jou asked incredulously.

"You know, bad dogs are neutered," Seto said in his defence.

"Yes, but **neutered**?" Jou asked again. "Way to kill a mood."

Seto looked like he was about to defend himself again, but just said casually, "I told you I had no use for this stuff."

"Yeah, 'cause you suck at it." Jou ignored the twitch of Seto's eye. He was propped up on his knees between Jou's open legs, and grudgingly admitted that Jou was right. The subject of neutering really could kill a mood.

"Maybe you should stick to insults. You do that really well."

"Thank you, I suppose. Ignoramus."

"You're welcome. Arrogant prick," Jou replied smilingly.

"Arrogance is actually a sign of intelligence. Which is more than I can say for you," Seto shot back, getting into it.

"You really wanna start with me, you anal retentive bastard?" Jou asked, sliding his hand up Seto's neck and into his hair. He very much preferred this to all that talk about the removal of his gonads.

"You couldn't take it if I did," Seto said, nipping playfully at Jou's lips. "Punk."

"You're a real asshole, you know that?" Jou said, reclining and pulling Seto down with him.

"What are you going to do about it? You know you're no match for my superior intellect and strength." Seto trailed off, flexing his body into Jou's. Jou pushed up into him, and gasped silently. 'Consider the mood revived,' he thought.

"Fuck you, moneybags," Jou said, after kissing said moneybags roughly.

"I thought you'd never ask."

A good while later they both limped out of the study, heading straight for the nearest cushioned surface.

"Ugh, I told you it would get uncomfortable," Seto said, rubbing his neck.

"I didn't hear you complaining when I was sitting on your dick!" Jou said, equally irritable. His back was really messed up now. Although, it had been worth it. "Bitch," he couldn't help muttering out the side of his mouth.

"Save it for round two, retard," Seto said absently, wondering if it would be too undignified if he stretched out in the laundry hamper. "Wait, did you just call me a bitch?" he asked abruptly.

"Yeah. What you gonna do about it, dickhead?" Jou asked challengingly.

"I believe I'll have to discipline you properly later," Seto said, his neck suddenly feeling much better. And maybe Jou's back wasn't as bad as he thought it was.

"Ding ding," said Jou, who tackled Seto into the nearest room, which happened to be the gym room that neither Seto nor Jou used – Seto because he was far too busy, Jou because he was far too lazy.

"Oh god, I'm gonna need a chiropractor after this shit," Jou murmured, trying hastily to get out of his hastily donned clothes.

"Don't worry, I'm sure we can afford it," Seto said, bending Jou over some indiscriminate piece of machinery. He didn't know what it was supposed to do, but he knew damned well what he was going to use it for. He leaned down over Jou's body, touching chest to back as he breathed into Jou's ear.

"And if anyone's the bitch here, it's you."

And with a resounding smack on Jou's ass, round two was under way.

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